I Did Not Forget You
by BsBLady
Summary: Edward left Bella for her own protection, but can he keep away? Here are the early events of New Moon told from Edward's point of view. Mainly EXB but there is a scene with EXOC-not for the faint of heart! Please read & review!


I honestly had every intention of leaving her alone. I believed my resolve to keep her alive was strong enough to keep me away. However, I underestimated my selfishness and my desire to be near her . . .

* * *

What was I doing here? I meant to only watch from a distance, to just reassure myself that she was indeed happy and safe. Now, here I stood, in her room, watching her sleep, torturing myself with her scent and her warmth. It had been far too long since I last inhaled her delicious scent, and it was wrecking havoc on my entire being. How long had it been since I was last in her room? 3 months? 4? Surely long enough that the sight and scent of her now seemed as if I was back in our Biology class that first day, when I was so close to ending her life.

Watching her sleep, I knew that for the moment, she was safe. Was she happy? I waited patiently, for I knew how often she spoke in her sleep. Even now, I could see the movement of her eyes behind the thin membrane of her eyelids as she dreamed. Was it a good dream? Did she still dream of me? I refused to entertain the idea that she may be dreaming of someone new. However, if there was someone new, I would know that my plan for her to forget me had succeeded.

"Mmmm, mmm" Bella murmured. At last! Her voice! I gently kneeled next to her bed, careful not to disturb her as I leaned closer to her face. I didn't need the proximity to hear what she said, but I had the insane urge to feel her breath on my face.

"Jacob, wh--? No, don't go!"

So, she was dreaming of Jacob Black. The ache in my chest was almost unbearable, yet I reminded myself ruthlessly that I was the one who left. Remembering Jacob's thoughts, and knowing how he felt about Bella, it was only a matter of time before a relationship started. I slowly got to my feet. I found out what I came to find. It was time to leave. I slowly turned to the window, looked at Bella one last time, and jumped.

* * *

I ran to where I had hidden my Volvo, started the engine, and was on the freeway going 100 miles per hour in all of 10 seconds. I had no destination in mind. I only knew I needed to get far away from Forks before I did something truly unforgivable. Every instinct I had was telling me I was making a mistake, that Bella needed _me_, wanted _me_. However, the memory of Jasper lunging for Bella after she had cut herself replayed in my mind, and I knew I was the last thing Bella needed.

I found myself parking my Volvo in a deserted lot somewhere in Seattle. I got out of the car and started walking the streets, hoping to find a distraction. Any distraction, good or bad, to keep me from getting in my car and driving back to Forks.

I had to remind myself constantly to moderate my pace, however I realized I had walked 8 blocks in 8 seconds. Luckily, human traffic was minimal at this hour of the night.

_Edward . . . where are you going? Come this way . . ._

I automatically turned my head in the direction I heard the voice, and I quickly realized it wasn't a voice, but a thought. Who would know me here? My family was no where near here, and the Denali's were in Alaska. I backtracked a couple of blocks, hoping to hear the thought again.

_Yes! That's right, come this way!! Turn right at the next stop light. I'm here . . ._

_I'm here_? Where was _here_? I turned right at the stop light, stood still, and waited to hear the thought again. A part of me thought this game was a waste of time, but the darker side of me was hoping that this game was exactly the distraction I needed.

_Follow my scent . . ._

I closed my eyes, and took a deep breath. I smelled sewage, unwashed bodies, various stray animals, pollution, and a faint, distinct, _sweet_ smell in the air. I was very familiar with this scent. Why she would be here, calling me, playing this game with me, was baffling. I followed the scent to an abandoned building. The building used to be a hotel, and by the looks of it, it used to be a very high-end hotel. Not really in the mood to analyze the dated yet beautiful architecture of the building, I entered it through one of the windows.

"Rosalie!" I yelled. I was in a dangerous disposition, and I had no more patience to play this game with her. My only thought was to find out why she had come to Washington. If this had anything to do with Bella, I would tear Rosalie apart.

_Edward . . . I'm 2 floors down. I'm here in room 317 . . ._

I was opening the door to room 317 before she had even finished her thought. I didn't know what to expect when I walked into the room, but it certainly was not the sight that was before me. In the center of the room was a huge bed, and on the bed sat Rosalie, though she had her back turned towards me. The most shocking sight of all was that Rosalie had somehow changed the color of her hair to brown. Not just any brown, _Bella's_ brown. She even had Bella's hairstyle!

"Rosalie! What do you think you're doing? What's going on?"

Slowly, she turned towards me and I realized she was wearing a black negligee. She rose from the bed and started walking towards me. Amazingly, she didn't say or think anything. When she reached me, she stood so close that I could see that she was wearing a wig. Slowly, she raised her arm, but before she could touch me, I quickly grabbed a hold of her wrist. I was angry and frustrated.

"Rosalie, if you don't explain yourself right now, I'm leaving."

"Edward . . ." _You need this and I need this_.

I stared at her incredulously as visions assailed my mind of Rosalie and I . . . our bodies entwined, writhing in pleasure. A sensation was slowing spreading throughout my body that was suddenly as still as a statue. I was with Bella the last time I felt this sensation.

"No!" I yelled. "I won't do this. I love BELLA! Do you understand!?! What has gotten into you!?! Do you know what this would do to Emmett?!"

Without bothering to hear her reply, I turned around, preparing to run back to my Volvo. Though I heard her intent, I was unprepared for her attack. She grabbed me by my shoulders and turned me to face her. Before I could move, she leapt onto me and wrapped her arms around my neck and wrapped her thighs around my waist. My hunting instincts took over, however her instincts were triggered as well.

We were equally strong, and the only advantage I had, being able to read her thoughts, was clouded with bloodlust. I _wanted_ to hurt her. I needed an outlet for all of my hurt, anger, and frustration. I crushed my mouth to hers, grinding my teeth against her lips. I heard her gasp, then she was grabbing my hair, trying to gentle my kiss. I didn't want gentle. I strode towards the bed, but didn't put her on it. I reached behind me to grab her ankles, pulled them apart so that they would loosen their death grip from around my waist, forced her to stand, and quickly flipped her around so that her back was to my front. Vaguely, I noticed that she bent over the bed, placing her hands on the mattress to better accommodate me. My hands pulled the hem of her negligee up around her waist, and I could see she wasn't wearing any undergarments. I could feel the coolness of her buttocks against the front of my slacks. My body knew what it wanted. My hand hovered on the zipper of my slacks, but before I could pull the zipper down. I took a quick glance at her, and noticed the hair.

I couldn't do this! Even though I knew it was Rosalie, and not Bella, the sight of the brown wig that looked so much like Bella's lovely hair dampened the bloodlust in my system. Disgusted with myself and with Rosalie, I shoved her onto the bed. When she turned toward me in astonishment, I snarled at her.

"Don't ever think you can manipulate me again. I know this is a game to you because I am the only male of your acquaintance that doesn't want you. I won't tell Emmett about this because I know you truly do love him, but don't test me again."

With that said, I left the room quickly, and ran to my parked Volvo. I sat in my car for a few minutes, thinking about what I should do. Then I did the inevitable. I drove back to Forks.

* * *

It wasn't a school day. I stood in the forest bordering Bella's house, watching and waiting. What will she do today? Would she go to Jacob? As dawn approached, I climbed the tree I was next to, and hid amongst its branches. Finally, Bella appeared. She was beautiful, even wearing faded, torn jeans and a t-shirt. She walked out of her house and straight to her pickup. The loud roar of her engine startled the birds that were perched on the tree next to me. As usual, the silence of her mind frustrated and intrigued me. I smiled a little, remembering all the times I would try to read her mind. Slowly, she backed out of her driveway and headed to the freeway. I followed her truck with my eyes, debating on whether or not I should run after her. I finally gave up, jumped down, and started running.

It wasn't long before I realized she was headed to La Push. Knowing I couldn't cross the boarder into La Push, I found another tree, and waited. Unreasonably, I was angry. I tried to justify my anger, telling myself that she was being reckless by having a relationship with Jacob. After all, Jacob was descended from werewolves.

However, I knew that my anger stemmed from jealousy. What were they doing now? Was Jacob holding Bella, kissing her the way I longed to? My imagination ran rampant. I imagined Bella pulling up to Jacob's house in her truck. Jacob would be waiting for her in the doorway. In my mind, Bella got out of her truck and ran to Jacob, stumbling in her haste to be in his arms. I gritted my teeth as I imagined what would come next.

Jacob would hold Bella as he kissed her. He would then tell her that they had the house to themselves, since Billy and Charlie were out fishing. Slowly, Jacob would take Bella's hand and lead her to his bedroom. Knowing Bella, she would be blushing at this point.

I imagined Jacob pulling his t-shirt off and unbuttoning the top button of his jeans. Then he would reach for Bella and slowly pull off her t-shirt. Jacob would surely pause to gaze at the beauty before him, as Bella blushed even further.

_Stop it_! I scolded myself, but I couldn't stop my thoughts from coming. To save my sanity, I imagined that _I_ was the one with Bella. I imagined my hands gripping Bella's hips before moving to unbutton her jeans. I closed my eyes as I imagined touching the warm, smooth, silky skin of her waist and hips as I slipped her jeans past her legs . . .

I felt my mouth flood with venom, and startled by this reaction, I shook my head to stop my thoughts, and sighed. In all my existence, and from what I could remember of my human life, I had never before felt such a powerful love. Refusing to express my love _physically_ with Bella had been part of the reason for my departure from her life. The temptation to give in and let my baser instincts take over could very well kill Bella. With another sigh, I reigned in my imagination. As much as I wanted to continue my fantasy, it hurt too much to realize my fantasy will never come to fruition.

* * *

The sun was setting by the time I heard the rumble from Bella's engine. I waited, watching the freeway, until her truck passed, then I jumped down from the tree I was hiding in, and ran after her. I told myself that I was just making sure she arrived home safely, but deep down I knew I just wanted to be near her.

I watched as she made it home, and I hid in the same tree I was in this morning. I listened to her moving around in her house, preparing dinner. What am I doing? I can't continue shadowing her every move. Eventually, I would reveal myself to her and beg her to stay with me. Was I such a glutton for torture, that I would watch her as she lived her life without me? Watch her fall in love with someone else, marry someone else, and eventually have the children I could never give her? However, being a realist, I knew that even if Bella never knew I was watching her, my presence in such close proximity to her, would be dangerous.

The phone in my pocket vibrated. I checked to see who it was, and was not surprised that it was Alice.

"Edward? Are you okay?"

I sighed, "Yes, Alice."

"I wanted to warn you about Rosalie, but she hadn't made her decision until it was too late. I'm glad you didn't fall for it. Don't worry, I didn't say anything to Emmett."

"Alice . . . what am I doing here? Why can't I just leave Bella alone?"

"Edward . . . you know what I saw. She will be one of us some day."

"No, Alice, no. I won't condemn her to a soulless future. I'm deciding right now . . . I'm going to leave."

"Edward, I miss you! Esme and Carlisle miss you too!"

"I'm sorry Alice. Tell Esme I love her, and tell Carlisle I miss him too." I quickly ended the call before she could reply.

Now that I made the decision to leave again, I needed a place to go. I couldn't go back to my family. The episode with Rosalie was almost forgotten. I was not even upset with her, for I understood her motive. I just couldn't be around them when they were all hovering over me, gauging my every move, analyzing my every word. Maybe I would go to Europe and enroll myself in a boarding school. Suddenly an idea came to me. I would be able to protect Bella without being near her! I could track Victoria! Although I wanted to start the hunt immediately, I wanted to see Bella one last time before I left. So, I relaxed my posture, prepared to wait patiently for evening to come, and for Bella to fall asleep.

* * *

I watched as Bella turned the lights off in her bedroom. I waited a couple more hours before I approached her window, and I listened intently for signs that she was asleep. After listening for a few minutes, I was rewarded with the sound of her even breathing. She was even mumbling a little in her sleep. I entered her window and stood next to her. Even though her face was as familiar to me as my own, she still had the ability to take my breath away.

"Jacob, wh--? No, don't go!"

She was dreaming the same dream. I sighed, but instead of leaving, I knelt next to her bed to be closer to her.

"No! NO! Please!! Edward!"

My eyes widened in surprise! She was dreaming of me!! Though I had no right to feel pleasure in this revelation, the selfish part of me exalted! How I had longed to hear my name on her lips one last time! She started to become restless in her sleep, and I sensed she was close to waking from her dream. I stood frozen, half hoping she would awake and see me, and half hoping she would stay asleep and resume her dream. After a few tense moments, she settled back to sleep.

"Edward . . ." she sighed.

I waited for her to say more, but she continued to dream wordlessly. I played with the idea of staying with her until she woke, however I was more than satisfied with my night's findings. I was ready to leave her life again and begin my search for Victoria.

I softly murmured, "I love you, Bella. More than my own life." Then I left her room for the last time.


End file.
